my boyfriend is a sicko.

Warning. This post is gory and may be too much to handle for some. For others, put your seatbelts on. It's about to get bumpy. Like ingrowns.

Ok, that was a test. If the ingrowns joke was too gory for you, please stop here. Seriously, stop. You're going to regret it.

I really think you should stop.

Fine, don't listen to me.

I've unleashed the dragon in Bruno. Moved in to new apartment today. Sweetness. Road-trip to Ikea... By Metro. Walked down the street, thought process begins. Wow it's pretty. Nobody in sight. Why is there no one in the square? Bruno grabs my hand. Cute. Bruno puts my hand on his ass. Double cute. Waiting for his other arm to go around my back so we can walk like couples with hands in each others back pockets. He had other plans. My hand, gets pressed into his jeans... He farts. Vibrations. Confusion. He laughs. I forgive him.

We get back. I ask him what he wants for dinner. "Hot chocolate and danishes with chocolate spread." I make him hot chocolate and danishes with chocolate spread. He holds up a cloth wrapped in plastic, asks me what it is. "Your mom gave it to me to clean with." Asks me where he should put it. I joke. Turn around, pull my underwear down. Spread my ass cheeks. "Please be careful, it's sensitive today". Still joking. Suddenly, plastic cloth gets punched into my ass. He wasn't joking. I was. Jokes over. Not quite. He smells it, smiles, and punches in my face. Again, not funny. He's laughing. 

I smelled my own ass after a day and a half of walking. Gross. Just bought cheese that smelled better then that. Seriously. He's still laughing. He went too far. I forgive him anyway... But this isn't over. Next post is all about revenge. We'll see who's laughing then.