He's coming over at 7:30. It's 6:00. I have an hour and half to:
pick up sushi
bring it back to my house
make a game plan
figure out a place to set up
set up.
Don't think that's so bad? I LIVE IN A CUBE! Even if I wanted to find a place to set up naked, anyone who walked in the front door would immediately be confronted with my non existent bum and floppy soon to be fish-titties. No blinds on the windows. I try to set up a white sheet across the window downstairs in my dinning room. Try wrapping it around a lamp. Stretch out the sheet while I walk to the other side of the room. Lamp falls. Breaks. Bulb shatters. "Oh hey mom and dad.. euuuh about the lamp... and the sheet... ummm... I was just trying to set up a sheet to get some privacy... I meaaaan, I was doing something for Bruno.. I meann...no no! It wasn't for a lapdance, I swear!" Don't want to have that conversation.
6:45. Fuck the dinning room. I'll clean up later.
Walk upstairs to my room. I lie down on my sheepskin rug in between my clothing rack and bed. How do I explain to him why he's going to have to eat off of the floor? I strip off all my clothes. Place the sushi all over. Realize I don't know how he's going to get in the house. 7:22. I take it all off, put it back in the box, run downstairs put a key under the mat and start running back upstairs. Hear the key in the door. He sees me naked, running upstairs. "Give me 3 minutes!" Already off to a great start. I re-position, chuck all the plastic containers under my bed. "I'm readyyyy" Hadn't had time to think of a seductive opening line. He walks in. "You know... in some places in Japan, people eat on the floor." He's confused. Not the reaction I was going for. Not the line I was going for. He sits down. Awkward silence. He doesn't want to eat. He feels bad eating off of me. There's raw salmon on my nipples that I wish were never there. I tell him to start eating. "So, how was your day?" His mouth is full. Another awkward silence. He finishes. He wants to thank me by having sex. I want the hop in a shower and pretend it never happened. He starts touching my lady spots. I'm thinking the raw fish oils are going to end up in places that will lead to things I don't want. Hello UTI, my old friend. Oh! Sorry yeast infection, I must have confused you with UTI? Maybe the sex will be good and it will finish this off on a good note? It's not. Everything smells like raw salmon. I can't stop thinking about the raw salmon.
9:00 pm. Parents come home. They're pissed. Suddenly I feel like an old school girl again.
"Oh well, it's really not as bad as it looks. It's just, Bruno was chasing after me pretending to be a ghost and um... I accidently knocked over the lamp. What? No, of course I'm not lying. Don't worry, I'll take care of it." Turns out they don't make the shades for that lamp anymore.
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