the smell of sweet revenge

Today was a revenge day. It started off like any other day except that it ended up with me laughing and Bruno being angry. 10 points for me.

It's 10 am. We're both in pj's (that means me in a bathrobe and Bruno in his undies). Bruno decides to clean the dishes. I decide to spend more time on Facebook. He's whistling. I'm stalking. I turn around, I notice his bum.

[By the way, I call his bum "Poule" which is French for "chicken". It kinda goes a little something like this: I'll call it "Poule" in sets of threes while pinching his bum simultaneously. "Poule, Poule Poule!" while I squeeze squeeze squeeze.]

So I notice his bum. Looks fleshy. I think to myself that I kinda want to bite it. Then I conclude, why the heck not?

Reminded me of the time when I was 5. I picked up some firewood clamps and while my dad was bending down trying to put a fire together, I pinched a tiny piece of flesh on his ass cheek. He screamed. Loud. I was scared. I ran. He chased after me. Our house was not that big. I was grounded.

I was kinda hoping for a similar reaction out of Bruno (minus the grounding part). And so I bite. He's shocked. Mini screech. "POUUUULE" I scream. He giggles. Make a mental note to bite harder next time.

We hop in the shower. It's early. Bruno is hyper. I'm not. He tilts his head up and gobbles like a turkey to some song I can't make out. I pretend to watch him while keeping my mouth slightly open to collect as much water as I can. He's still gobbling. He looks down, smiles, leans in to give me a kiss and BAM! I spit water ALL OVER HIS FACE. He's shocked. I'm thinking this is way more fun then I expected. Can't stop laughing.

We get home late in the afternoon. I start drinking a fruit beer. He's feeling affectionate. I'm not. He cuddles up to me like a newborn koala. I'm trying to get back to my chair. He's hanging on for his dear life. My stomach starts rumbling. The rumbles go up my oesophagus. Into my throat. Light bulb goes off. I lean in to kiss him. Our lips barely begin to touch... Loudest. Burp. Ever. I'm pretty sure I saw the front pieces of his hair move. I burst out laughing. He's disgusted. And scared. I'm laughing like a hyena. He says I look really scary. I go to hug him. He's legit scared. He takes two steps away. I move closer. Think about his face when I burped. Still laughing. He turns around and runs. I chase him around the kitchen table while laughing uncontrollably. He's even more scared. Decide to throw in some dinosaur arms to freak him out. I chase him around, waving my claws, laughing harder as I'm seeing his reaction.

And that my friends... is the smell of sweet revenge.